Minimize Talking! It's a Polar Vortex!

It doth dive, it doth plungeth, the vortex of the Poles!

Wind chills are below zero. Frostbite is at hand. Cars may not start. I get an instant headache when I'm outside, the cold squeezing my blood vessels like a vice. Meterologists explain it thusly:

"The planetary-scale cyclonic circulation, centered generally in the polar regions, extending from the middle troposphere to the stratosphere"

In other words, bitch-ass cold! Weather reporters have been calling out the warnings for days:

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"This is a large area of cold air high up in the atmosphere that normally lives over the poles (as its name suggests). The polar vortex usually stays where it belongs but can make unwelcome visits to the U.S"

"It's a pool of subfreezing air that normally swirls over the Arctic Circle

                      DIVES into the Midwest this week pushing temperatures OFF
                                                                                                                      A
                                                                                                                     CLIFF"


 **Extreme** arctic cold will PLUNGE into the Midwest this week"

"the polar vortex gets displaced from the Arctic Circle

            and DIVES

                          into the Midwest"

I protest this Arctic invasion! I have made an intentional choice NOT to live at the North Pole, missing out on things like seeing reindeer, the Northern Lights, eating blubber. But I've made peace with that, in exchange for inhabiting a temperate zone.  But the polar vortex has no boundaries. Weathermen tell us:

"It will bring "the coldest weather in years"

"Millions of people and animals throughout the midwest are at risk for hypothermia and frostbite to occur in minutes"


"I cannot stress how dangerously cold it will be"

"Dangerously cold wind chills could lead to frostbite on exposed skin in a matter of MINUTES"

"The wind chill temperature is more than a catchy forecast term. The wind blows away the insulating layer of warm air around us generated naturally by our bodies"

" If outside, avoid taking deep breaths and  minimize talking"

"hours of subzero temperatures so that "we're going to hear buildings and outdoor objects creaking"

"a BRUTAL MASS of COLD AIR within strong bands of circulating winds...

"This is the coldest air many of us will have ever experienced."

"Biting winds usher in Arctic blast" 

"The worst is yet to come"

"Locations in the Midwest will be below zero continuously for 48-72 hours"

"Thanks to a meandering jet stream --parts of the vortex can slosh down into North America....."

Pictured here: parts of the vortex sloshing

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