Tuesday, July 29, 2008

My Favorite Photo of Madame Curie

her eyes appear deep-set and a-swirl with the mysteries of the universe
her hair looks like it's been apprenticing under Albert Einstein
and her garb is decidedly fusty
we can feel her urgency to get back to the lab
we sense her hidden struggle
she is saying, "Yes, I am Polish by birth, but I'm feeling a little bit French too"
little does the photographer know she is carrying test tubes of radioactive isotopes in her pocket

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Plutonium Transport

Here's a useful thing to know. If you have to move plutonium, and you can't touch the container it's in, since that would be lethal, you can jerry-rig a device known as a rubber-band carrier.

The equipment you need is:

Can (vegetable tin can works well)
Rubber Band Carrier
1 thick rubber band
4-6 thinner rubber bands
4-6 thin ropes about 4' long

You will need several people to help you carry the plutonium. If you blind-fold them, it becomes a team-building exercise.

I got this handy info off a website for craft ideas for Cub Scouts.
Other crafts/activities to choose from: pasta bridge, attracting moths, rootbeer in 15 minutes, staying found, worry doll, and imaginoid.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Mysterious! Fascinating! Puzzling! Amazing!

This man looks pleased
Does he realize his "jumping beans" look more like jumping bennys?
Did he make them? Out of what?
By what sorcery does he get them to jump?
By pointing at them?
They look like lethargic, falling over beans, not jumping beans
What a rip-off !
Real Mexican jumping beans do not look like ailing speedballs
Real Mexican jumping beans aren't even beans, they're seeds
Moth larvae live inside them
Twitching and spasming
For months!!
You can watch them twitch and spasm here:

Monday, July 14, 2008

Wisdom From My Grouper Friend

Come on in, babe

The water's fine

Those who swim own the earth

To think otherwise is the mass delusion of terrestrial beings

The land sinks and caves in

It cracks and quakes

It's swallowed up, it disappears

But water goes anywhere it likes

And us with it

Time to turn in your earth lungs

and grow a pair

fins, I mean

Do you wanna hear a joke?

the best one I know?

some humans think they started out

as fish

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

they'll find out

why wait to evolve?

you humans like to talk about it

go with the flow, you say

some day, you'll have to

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

we'll be waiting on the ocean floor

they say still waters run the deepest

don't believe it

it's a friggin' PARTY down here

don't worry

you'll adapt in time

you need just four words to live by

When in doubt, float

Monday, July 7, 2008

Reely Summer

Can you guess which one is me???

Push Reel Mower Superiority Rant

All you gas fume spewing turbo freaks
You make me sick!
You make me sick!
Stinkin’ up the subdivision
With your GAS and NOISE
Whilst I trim my lawn
In sweet silence
It’s a civil silence that you will never know
You with your motorized beasts
Crunching everything in sight
I choke on your air!
I choke on your air!
You fling rocks from the blade!
While I sweetly snip the heads of daisies
Mine is an act of meditation
Yours is a roar
An ego-driven, roar of depravity
A machine of immolation
Yours is the aggressive strong arm of war
The testosterone-crazed hawkish delight
You charge through a quiet summer day
Holding us all captive
With your GAS and your NOISE
Flexing your muscle
Showing off your horsepower
Striking fear in the hearts of small bunnies
Assaulting that which you seek to tame
Stinkin’ up the subdivision
An act of savagery
It ain’t neighborly