Saturday, December 22, 2018

The Bad Seed at Christmastime



"You want some candy? Go on. Take a piece. Aren't they pretty? Pretty candy. Have one. I mean, they aren't poison. Ha ha. Why would they be?  Go on, take one. Any piece. Any piece you want. Come on.  It's just candy, not poison. Ha  ha. Why would I say that? Ha  ha. You like candy. So have one. Come on, do it. Have a piece. It's not like you're going to keel over dead from poison.  Ha ha. Why do I keep saying that? Ha ha.  Ha  ha  ha ha.  Hurry up! Take one! I mean it.  Take some candy. Come on! Take the candy! Take the candy! NOW! DO IT! DO IT! What's wrong with you? It's just candy! It's not poison, I swear! Why are you looking at me like that?!!     

Sunday, October 14, 2018

From: "October on Earth: a Pictorial Guide for Aliens"


It is the job of smaller humans to remove the heavy harvest orbs that invade the planet soils at this time. 

Saturday, September 8, 2018

Shopping in Simpler Times


What wares are these two guys peddlin'?  Who can tell? Or is it the two guys that are for sale? Today this storefront would be derided for its sloppy branding, but the starkness of the sign intrigues me and draws me in. I want to get out of my car and see what this store is about! Maybe it's not a store at all but a front for a bookie operation and the "proprietors" forgot they had to at least pretend no one suspects what they're really up to. "Yeah yeah, we're a dry-goods store. Sure we are. Hey Mickey over there....we sell dry goods don't we? Yeah that's right, Guido. Dry goods. Just two guys sellin' dry goods, tryin' to make a lousy buck.  No funny business here."    

Thursday, August 30, 2018

The Official Beer of Simone's School Yard Drinkin'

I'm proud to partner with Free State Brewery of Lawrence, Kansas in rolling out my summer seasonal Official Beer of Simone's School Yard Drinkin'----Storm Chaser IPA.  Best when drunk ice cold as pictured here on the ball field behind my mom's house.




Ouch! Watch out for that sticker patch! They say the stickers are especially bad this year.




Th Official Beer of Simone's School Yard Drinkin' also goes down well when enjoyed against the sun-warmed stones of the old Industrial Arts building across the alley. I like to come out here when the sun is full on, the stones are maximum lit and my beer is maximum cold.       

            



Nice little drinking corner here, except for being in view of all the neighbors.




But then, I have a view of them too.


Tuesday, July 31, 2018

Let's Bowl!



First we have to make our way to Abilene, Kansas, because I won't settle for anything less than this totally dank bowling establishment. Tornado Alley Lanes gets the Simone Seal of  Approval for referencing the wide open swath across Kansas that ushers in nados like a climatological welcome mat. And for keeping the shine and polish on that retro-riffic hunk of signage. They may even have the "best burgers in town." Think of that. The best burgers in all of Abilene.

The only bowling that would top bowling at Tornado Alley Lanes would be bowling at Tornado Alley Lanes during a tornado warning. One can dream.   

  

Monday, July 16, 2018

Rocks In My Head

I've made many treks out to western Kansas in recent months, attending to my ailing mother, and whenever I'm there, I take long walks "out to the shed." This is a shed that sits just outside town, at the junction of two country roads. Back when my mom was younger, healthier, and was quite the walker herself, this was a favored route. I like it because it's peaceful and sets me alone against the endless blue horizon.

Walking to the shed takes me past the Protestant cemetery (the Catholic one is on the opposite end of town), on a dusty road bordered by wheat fields, and a ditch that harbors the occasional badger hole. The road is littered with rocks, and I can't resist reaching down to snag a few, coming and going. I'm drawn to their quirky shapes and delicious colors. Some look like caramel and some like wads of chewing gum. One rock I call the "meat rock" because it resembles a hunk of raw beef. I come back from some walks with my pockets bulging, because every rock I reach for looks like a keeper.


I may be missing a few marbles, but I got plenty of rocks!!




Some close-ups:


 Many of these are glossy and smooth, as if they had been polished and oiled, not plucked from  the dust.   





So many textures, colors and rough edges...






Soft, rosy shades, and in the foreground, rocks that look like my chewed up gum.  






These are the dark, brooding ones, darker than they look in the picture.  





These rocks in this pile are cool, creamy or contain little sparkly nuggets. They make me think of ice cream.





  These ones are very chalky. 






My big lugs. 

Sunday, April 22, 2018

Telephone operators - the untold story



Lady telephone operators had to keep their hair short --because electricity. Or something. But as seen in this pic, short, tightly curled styles were mandatory.

When lady operators finally broke free and quit the switchboard they ran straight to the beauty parlor to get a new hairdo. This common occurrence and the interactions between hairdressers and newly emancipated telephone operators that followed led to a change in salon parlance, and is how hair stylists came to be known as "beauty operators."



Thursday, April 12, 2018

Sunday, April 8, 2018

When punk rockers run away to the circus




Rumor under the big top had it that the newest clown was a disaffected guitar player from the Cure. 

Tuesday, January 30, 2018

Better Living Through Yoga

I mean it this time.

I've changed my ways. 

Happy to say I'm not hitting the whisky and ice cream anymore, like I was in this post from last July:





No, I've moved on to brandy: 



Did someone say something about yoga?

Tuesday, January 16, 2018

Cold!!!



I love the image that the National Weather Service uses on the daily forecast when it gets really bitchass cold outside, like zero-y, single-digity, wind chills below zero type cold. They put this picture up, with a single word:  COLD.

Harbinger of doom, but a very cool thumbnail (enlarged here) with so much potential packed into it (character, action, setting...) I hate seeing it, but I also love seeing it.    

Saturday, January 6, 2018

There's a Future in Books


But no trees! They will be reduced to stumps.

We'll have to use them all up in order to make the gigantic, hovering books that forthcoming generations will require.