Thursday, December 10, 2009

Tips For Winter

It's bitterly cold, and the ground is white and frozen. Time for some helpful Winter Tips.

Seinfeldian Tip : Heat a towel in your dryer and wear that around your neck instead of a scarf. Someone was actually doing this yesterday, and he pointed it out to me, rather proudly.

Tip for Robbers: When there is snow on the ground, dispense with the malevolent black you usually wear (as seen on TV shows) and wear all-white coats instead, like Lilah's long puffer coat. That way you'll blend in with your surroundings more easily. Lilah contributed this handy winter tip.

Tips for Consuming Chocolate: When the temperature drops below 32 degrees, chocolate calories begin to diminish, at the rate of five calories per degree. Below 20 degrees, this rate of decline accelerates, at a whopping 10 calories per degree. So a 150 calorie chocolate bar consumed at 30 degrees would be only 140 calories. Eat it at 19 degrees, and you save 70 calories!! If you hold out until the mercury drops to 11 degrees, you consume NO calories. The colder it gets, the sweeter the deal. When the temperature drops below ten, you can eat as much chocolate as you want. And if the temperature plunges to zero, it is imperative that you eat chocolate to safeguard your health and stave off illness.

Winterizing Tip For Petites: Buy an outdoorsy jacket at the big and tall men's shop. You can wear two or three coats underneath it, no fooling. You can wear your favorite couch throw, and no one will know. They'll shiver and chatter, as you say, "What's the matter?"


  1. these are great! i'm glad you clarified the chocolate calorie ratio to the cold. now, can you do the same for red wine? and cheese? wonderfully fun post, 'monie.

  2. I am drinking red wine and eating cheese right now, and it's after midnight. But since it's dark and cold, and I've had a long day and need to relax, I am sure these calories don't count. I haven't quite figured out the math on it, though.