Thursday, December 16, 2010

Burl Ives Event Stirs Trouble Anew in Small Maryland Town

Dispute over folksy troubador creates rancor in Peaksville, Maryland

Peaksville, MD – A Christmastime controversy over folk singer Burl Ives that has bitterly divided the town of Peaksville, Maryland for three years, is the source of continued friction as a pro-Burl group plans to stage a "Burl Pride" parade down Main Street during the "Tree and Tunes" festivities, in defiance of the Burl Ives My Ass Coalition (BIMAC), which has sought to stamp out any Burl-related activities from the town square during the holiday season.

The pro-Burl group, Burl's Legacy Is Treasured, Honored and Enduring (BLITHE), announced the parade yesterday, saying it had an enthusiastic group of parade participants already signed up.

"We have Burl impersonaters that will knock your socks off," said Harry Hornfield, BLITHE spokesman. "It will be a crowd-pleasing event that will warm the cockles of every man, woman and child."

Hornfield dismissed BIMAC as "a bunch of grouchy old farts who are against joy and happiness in all its purest forms." Hornfield said, "Here are people who have nothing better to do than to ruin Christmas for everybody else. Even in our small town, we have a sizeable population of Burl fans. For them, a Christmas without "Holly Jolly Christmas" sung by the Burlmeister, just isn't, well, all that jolly.

BIMAC countered BLITHE's claims by saying no one wants to hear Burl Ives' "cheesy cornball tweedle-dee-deeing" except the "tone-deaf" members of BLITHE, who "obviously have no taste" and shouldn't be imposing their "fringe" interests on the good people of Peaksville.

"We are doing a public service for the rest of the town, and we do it proudly, " said Clive Hammerschmitt. "Who wants to listen to that crap? No one! But folks are afraid to say it. Well, we're not afraid. We come right out and call a spade a spade." Hammershcmitt said that BIMAC is determined to put a stop to the parade. "I hear they have some Burl impersonators and that. I don't know where they found those people, but if they think they're going to trot them right through the center of our town they have another think coming."

Hornfield said that the parade is perfectly legal and that has group has acquired all the necessary city and county permits.

"It's going to be a great parade. We have Burl jugglers, Burl tumblers, a couple of Burl-themed floats, and of course, a whole bunch of Burl singers. We even have some burlesque performers doing a special "Burl-esque" routine. But the big highlight will be the Burl Ives Santa at the end. I hope everyone comes out and brings the kids. It'll be big, Burly fun for all."


  1. okay, i have to ignore the content of this blog for a minute - one minute only - so that i can comment on it. THIS is what i have been saying you are sooo good at! it's really really RILLY good!!

    except of course that you are gonna be sued by BIMAC and don't be surprised if they erect a life-sized Burl on your lawn with a big ol' piece of duct tape where his mouth should be.... and a hitler mustache drawn on him....and his teeth blacked out....i'm just sayin'...............

  2. I wish to meet big Burl Unit!

  3. suzanne (team burl)December 17, 2010 at 1:44 PM

    this post makes me wish it all were real. i would LOVE to see burl tumblers, and "burlesque"!!! simone, thank you for keeping the tradition alive. you made me laugh out loud......again!!!

  4. Outer Space Alien,

    Big Burl Unit is no longer accessible. He has gone into the ether. Where humans go after they leave the earth plane.

  5. Long live BLITHE! And down with grouchy old farts who oppose joy and happiness this season!

  6. Hooray, Simone! This is great! It sounds so real (and so NOT insane, like so much else we hear about in the news) that I want to be there, marching BLITHE-ly along to the tunes of that happy man.

  7. Michee,

    I'm sure the members of BLITHE would be happy to have you in their ranks!!