A Cold Day in Hell

That describes the current conditions. Oh dear. I have a whole list of things that fall under "It'll be a cold day in hell before I do these." Now we are here. What does this portend? Revisiting this list makes me long for those warmer, less hellish times. Although I've had to make a few addendums to the list :

I will not clean grout with a toothbrush. (Okay I did once, during an altered state of cleanliness.)

I will not eat fat-free yogurt. 

I will not wear a device that tracks my steps, my vitals, my sleep, or bodily functions.

I will not step foot in Florida (hell-hole)....Sorry, not sorry. 

I will not talk to Siri. Or Alexa. (But I will yell at Google Maps!)

I will not own matching place settings. It's clutter. They don't spark joy. 

I will not drink a vodka martini. Gin only please. (As if I'd turn down any martini.)

I will not go to a baseball game during a month with an "R" in it.

I will not wear socks with holes in them.... much longer.

I will not hang up my rock and roll shoes.

I will not say "You're fine" to mean, "that's okay."  People don't need me to tell them they are fine. (And nothing is fine.)

I will not keep calm and carry on. (Ha! This requires being calm in the first place.)

I will not get a high colonic. Knowingly.

I will not fold and store my shirts like slices of bread.

I will not pay for my lattes with an app. (Well.....)

I will not brush my dog's teeth.

I will not pay for Wifi on a plane. That is my one chance to be above it all. (But if it's free...)

I will not iron any clothes. If the dryer can't straighten it out it has to go.

I will not use cruise control. It's like having a ghost drive the car.

I will not use sunscreen on cloudy days. I'm just being honest.

I will not buy an Apple watch. A device should watch time, not me. (See number 3.) 

I will not clean an oven ever again. (Still standing strong on this one!)