Saturday, December 22, 2012

My Disturbing Holiday Revelations

Ho Ho Ho! Here you go! 

My disturbing holiday revelations of 2012 : 

I've been hoarding eggnog the whole month of December. (They only stock it for so long, you know, and when it's gone, it's gone.)

I am now an eggnog connoisseur. I know which brands are tops and which to avoid. (Because I've tried them all.)

I hate divinity. (The candy.)

Our Christmas tree has been up a week but still has no decorations. (Who has the frickin' time?)

I am re-using your Christmas card in ways you never imagined. (Using it to scoop spiders off the wall into an empty butter container.)

I would pay top dollar to have someone shovel my sidewalk dressed as a nun or old jumpsuit Elvis.

I am cutting back on fruits and vegetables to leave more room in my stomach for Christmas cookies and fudge balls.

The thing that has excited me the most this Christmas season is finding a new gingerbread recipe. (That calls for beer.)

My idea of goodwill toward men is not vacuuming while the football game is on.

I spend a great deal of time on the internet hunting for Christmas photos of Burl Ives.   

In lieu of shopping, I have written a Christmas play that I'm going to force my family to act out.   


  1. my comments to your disturbing revelations:
    only you, mony
    me too
    disturbing visual, especially the use of "spider" and "butter" in the same revelation
    gloriosky, pilgrim! my money troubles are over! i'll be at your house later in my nun costume - get ready to pay up
    fudge balls are a member of the fruit family, i believe
    a co-worker of mine also discovered this recipe. save me a piece
    PLEASE! you don't vaccuum ANYway
    define "great deal." this is the most disturbing albeit unsurprising part of your post. not a revelation to me. you have an unhealthy burl fixation. it makes me really sad. what is up with your obsession with fat, hairy, unattractive men? albert einsten? burl ives? you need an intervention.
    i heartily applaud your xmas play, as i will not be in attendance and therefore, i can only imagine the joy it will bring you. instead, i will be toasting all of you with a glass of wine. that's MY revelation, baby!!

  2. Re: eggnog - There is a reason they only stock it for "so long". (and, it has nothing to do with "the season".)

    I have a bunch of decorations laying around. (no tree)

    You ain't re-using MY Christmas card. (none sent)

    Climate change has rendered snow shoveling so nonessential. (regardless, of attire)

    ALL gingerbread recipes call for beer. (if only as a chaser)

    My idea of goodwill toward man is NO vacuuming.

    I am anxious to see the play on YouTube. Will there be song and dance?


  3. Hee Hee!!!!!!! I love all your comments!

  4. hb has a good point about gingerbread

  5. Will I need to bring a special costume for the play? Tap shoes or ballet slippers? Did you write songs, or are you using the Bachman Turner Overdrive song book?

  6. No special costumes needed, but you are welcome to wear tap shoes. H.B-- I wish we could put the play on YouTube, but I imagine the other actors won't be practiced enough. If I had had my way, I would have written songs and turned it into a musical. But damn, I had to find time to go to work.