Thursday, February 11, 2010

Survival Of The Fattest

Chink, chink, chink. My blog done froze up. Have to chip off the ice before I can post something. I've stopped looking at the weather. Every time I pick up the paper, it says, "cold all week and into next week. " It says, "supposed slight chance of sun before more cold air and clouds move in." My survival instincts have kicked in, and I am now eating lots of food with high fat content. I am driven to do it, as if my body knows something I don't know --that one of these nights I might wander disoriented and naked out into the dark, exposing myself to the elements. Or that I am about to be led blindfolded into the woods for an ancient ritual of my people, where I will be left to build a fire using only my mental energies. My body is preparing for that.

While all this is happening, I am also beset by a condition known as Sweater Apathy. I've spent so much time bundled in sweaters and cardigans, I've lost all sense of my body, or that I even have a body. This is the danger of winter lasting too long. The need for comfort, the drive to survive, and the physical detachment and disorientation that result all lead to one thing : Spring Ass!

A coin phrased by my sister Laura, and described in her poem of the same name. Beware, it's out there, it's coming, it's already here.....SPRING ASS!


  1. i have wondered the exact same thing. i have thought "does my body know something i don't and that is why it is packing on the fat?"

  2. Humans: please be fat like the snowman it is beautiful on my planet.

  3. Oh my god. Ive figured it out. It is alien power rays taking control of my appetite and causing me to eat fatty foods. It's the really fat ones that get abducted, isn't it?