Saturday, January 8, 2011

Coffee Shops I Wanna Open

Here’s the list. All I need now are a couple of investors with plenty of cash but no sense of proportion when it comes to funding shaky little start-ups like mine, and I’m on my way!

Bean me up, Scotty---get your geek on by stepping onto a replica of the Star Ship Enterprise from the original Star Trek series. Enjoy an audio sampler of soundtrack music from the TV show’s “dramatic sequences” (Kirk battling various aliens) as you sip your earth-brewed java. A giant poster of William Shatner will be an irksome and unavoidable part of the décor.

As You Like It---a Shakespearean-themed coffee house where the baristas cavort about in Elizabethan tights and are trained to greet every customer with “To bean or not to bean, that is the question?” when sorting out customer’s preferences for coffee or tea. Choices on the menu board will include “Taming of the Shrew,” “Much Ado about Nothing”, and “Twelfth Night”, a 20 ounce five-shot latte.

Bean Bling--- a coffee shop offering a sleek, club atmosphere for the young, urban professional. On Saturday nights the staff will heft the roaster out of the way to make room for a dance floor.

Rude Awakening---- a no-frills caffeine experience for the thrash crowd and those just coming off Meth.

Cosmic Cup---- fuzzy-headed coffee service at its finest. Will evolve into a thinly disguised head shop and be raided often. The biscotti will be suspect.

Coffee Land----Coffee Land is a happy land. Need we say more? The tenth cup is always free at Coffee Land.

Percolator----1950’s style coffee shop will be full of fun, kitschy details: dinette sets with chrome chairs, starburst clocks…but the coffee will suck as bad as it did in the days before drip brew and espresso drinks of any kind will be unheard of.

Grounds for Dismissal----will cater largely to the unemployed and unwashed or those about to be, who have nothing better to do all day than sit around in a coffee shop.

Cuppa Joe-----pays homage to Joe DiMaggio, the late ball-player and ex-hubby of Marilyn Monroe. Video screen plays endless loop of grainy footage of Joe’s glory days. A stipple drawing of Joe will customize the to-go cups. Menu items will contain corny references to baseball lore.


  1. Any spot where i can get a little caffeine sounds good to me!

  2. This is a great post! Love the Star Trek coffee shop.

  3. Not have coffee shed honoring this James T. Kirk, Simone Unit! Kirk Unit is most hated human at there my planet. We know he is full of corn!!!

  4. Outer Space Alien,

    You aliens can't be fooled. We humans also know he is full of --as you say ---corn. Still, he is what we can an "icon", which means he is a permanent and often televised part of our culture.

  5. Excellent. I especially like the "Bean Me Up, Scotty" concept. You could express the Agtron values as a function of "Warp Factors".


  6. more! i want more options! this is great. i would so go to " percolator" and" "coffee land." what exactly is the 'thrash crowd.' doesn't sound like a group i'd wanna be around. boy...if i had money!!!

  7. What the hell are Agtron values?

  8. More brilliance, and again I have sent bulk emails praising Freethehumanbeings and urging folks to read.
    The Other Aunt Laura