Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Spring Ass!

I've got to shake this winter state of mind. The snow from last week is still piled high, but it's March. The sun is on its way. Soon, I'll have to lose the coat, peel off the layers. And when I do, when I remove the pair of long underwear I've lived in like a second skin since last November, I dread to think what I'll find. I'm afraid that all my comfort-food cocooning, carb-loading, fat-chewing, marrow-sucking, pastry-lovin' ways have left me with a terrible condition. 

My sister Laura Lisbeth sang of this affliction last Thursday night at Coda Bar and Grill. She sent a chill down my spine, because I knew she was describing what is going to happen to me...... 

Spring Ass!!!!  

"Oh yeah you better change your ways real fast
If you want to get rid of that.....ass"

Laura and Gerry Monks send out a warning

Laura had other songs. She sang of Billy Collins, of falling off buildings and traveling to the Southernmost Point. But it was Spring Ass that haunted me, and by the time she had finished and had given up the stage to Kasey Rausch, I had resolved to give up my tundra diet: no more of that imported whale blubber!

Kasey Rausch and Chad Brothers

Kasey and Chad sang nice songs about Winfield and not abandoning your dreams, and happily no songs about burgeoning behinds. So for a while, I was able to put my troubles, behind, er, in back of me.

But nice as the vibe was, I couldn't stay long. I wanted to swing by Chaz on the way home and catch Roger playing with Seth Lee. So after paying for my beer, I headed for the Plaza.

Roger Wilder and Seth Lee
When I got to Chaz, I pushed past the gang of loud-mouthed businessmen who had taken over the bar area, and found a cozy table near the band. Roger and Seth sounded good, as did Peggy Chilson, who was sitting in on vocals. The waiter gave me the choice of two Pinot Noirs. The $12 glass he told me, was far above the cheaper one. "I'll just have to make do with the cheaper one," I said. Ha. In this case "cheap" was $10.

I'm not used to hitting more than one bar in a night, and my liver isn't either. As I settled into the music, I wondered if it was wise to be drinking a glass of red wine, on the heels of a Guinness.

I needed to get some grease into my system, I decided. To soak up the extra alcohol.

Yes, a good amount of grease. That's what I needed.  I knew just what would do the trick.

Truffle fries. 

Oily, garlicky, truffle fries. Oh man. They are insane. Roger and Seth are good, but if you go to Chaz for no other reason, go for the truffle fries.

I went and ordered them. Incredibly fattening. Be prepared to order a double batch, because if the band takes their break as the fries arrive, it's all over. The fries have a way of flying into people's mouths.  

They flew into my mouth. And as they did I knew my fate was sealed. There is no turning back now. I am headed for a full-blown case of it. Spring Ass!  

Peggy Chilson's lovely voice hath charms but can't soothe my savage ass.


  1. well. i am honored that you mentioned my song in your blog, my sister. as for your booty, i saw nothing to indicate that you are suffering from that most odious affliction. but, you know, beware!

  2. Interesting post. I like the concept.
    But what really intrigues me is the "imported whale blubber". As opposed to domestic? Have to admit, I've never contemplated the existence of Kansas whales, before.

  3. Outer Space AlienMarch 5, 2013 at 10:39 PM

    My friend xBoc we call him "Spring Asteroid" he cannot weigh in our ship!

  4. Outer Space Alien,

    You are making me laugh. Sounds like your friend xBoc is just too much friend.

  5. "..can't soothe your savage ass." I'm dying over here! God, you're funny..