Friday, May 30, 2008

What's Up With What Happened ?

I gotta say I’m having a problem with the title of the new book out by Scott McClellan, the former press secretary of President Bush.

What Happened? A multimillion dollar book deal about a major presidential scandal--a book that reveals the propoganda campaign that sent the US to war and describes McClellan's role in disseminating false information and What Happened is the best the folks at Public Affairs publishing could come up with? This plaintive and yawn-inducing snoozer of a name?

Looks like it's up to me to propose some alternative titles for Scott McClellan's book. After all the American public has been through, it's the least I can do. And so, in keeping with my patriotic duty, I give you the following:

Alternate Titles for Scott McClellan's Book:

A Series of Unfortunate Events

The Audacity of Audacity

Incurious George

Lacking President

The Purpose-Driven Lie

FOX and the Hounds of Hell

The Gripes of Wrath

Whaddya know, Al Franken, Even More Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them

The Soundbite and the Fury

Eat. Prey. Lie

“I’m Just Sayin’”

Escape From Crony Island

Spillin’ It

Weapons of Mass Deception

Inside the Fright House

Asses of Evil

Bush is a Soul-sucking Skank

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Makes Me Wanna SCARF!

Well, I have to say I can rest easy now that Dunkin Donuts has pulled their shocking ad wherein Rachel Ray so jauntily wears that Scarf of Hate. I feel safer now, don’t you?

Those of us who are truly Americans could see right off that that scarf had Jihad written all over it. Just look at the unholy fabric it’s made of, note the terrorist fringe. Listen—they don’t call it “terrorist fringe” for nothing!! Every little strand of that scarf conjures up blowing desert sands and fairly screams “death to the infidels!”

Notice the way Rachel has the scarf wrapped keffiyeh-style around her neck so that it hangs limply about her breasts, a provocative call for appeasement to Islamic aggressors.

As Michele Malkin spewed, this tasteless display is nothing less than the “mainstreaming of violence”. We Americans must be ever vigilant against anything with terrorist ties, I mean scarves. But ties, scarves, handkerchiefs, you name it—any accessory this subversive has no place in the U.S. of A.

May the fabrics of all terrorists and terrorist-sympathizers and those we mistake for terrorist-sympathizers due to our overwhelming ignorance and narrow-mindedness be rent with the saliva of a thousand camels before they mess with the fabric of our society!