Winter Storm All Up In Here

It was only a matter of time before we had to pay the winter gods for all the unseasonable warmth we had over Christmas and after the new year.  Now at last they are demanding a pound of our frozen flesh as payment. 

As winter storm "Fern" barrels down on us I am hunkered, bunkered and battened down. I initiated my Storm Prep Sequence days ago and I am now in a state of Storm Readiness. 

I share my sequence below for those who wisely adopt it: 

Load up on more food than you can realistically cook or eat and more booze than you should reasonably drink during the one to two days you'll be snowed in.  Fatty meats, dense starches, chocolates of all shades, wines of all hues, whiskey, rum, winter lagers....

You must do this immediately at the first whiff of a potential storm. The goal is to hit the store before the mass panic sets in. (However, I have failed to act quickly enough a few times and have been caught up in the maelstrom. When this happens at least I do get a kick out of seeing that the Hyvee chili bean shelves have been raided, since that is my go-to when snow is coming. Cold=chili.) 

Do laundry because the washer is in the garage and gets really cold and we have to unhook the hoses to the washer because they freeze and if water gets in the washer drum it freezes and we've already broken two washing machines that way.

Gas car. God forbid you should have to go anywhere, but if the power goes out the Volkswagen will become an auxiliary bedroom. (I know, carbon monoxide, yada yada....)

Charge all devices and portable chargers and round up old half-burned candles and wax nubs so that if things go dark you can check the Evergy outage map and doomscroll by candlelight. 

Make "butter batter" and refrigerate so you can make hot buttered rum when drinking all that wine you bought gets old. 

Leave the faucets trickling all night.  Then lie awake in bed feeling worried that you forgot to leave the faucet trickling but too cold to get up to double check. 

Most important step of all:  Put the bowl out for snow ice cream!!!