Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Embracing the pumpkin

Every day I get asked by the many people (in my head) who are dying to know--what am I waiting for? When am I going to embrace the pumpkin?

To which I reply,  "when the sky turns...when the leaves change...when the woolly larva emerges from the ovum...."

Look, I love pumpkins as much as the next guy. I totally want a pumpkin fair in my town, with a towering pumpkin pyramid, as seen above. I just think that to keep pumpkins special they are best kept in their place, and in their time. We all know how the seasonal infusion of pumpkin matter into everyday products can get out of hand.

For example, here are a few pumpkin products I'd rather not see:

Pumpkin Smoked Bacon---
--Mmm..good......yes, one bite conjures up that back-yard flavor of the rind left behind

Pumpkin Smoothie ---
--A physiological mechanism known as the "gag reflex" makes it hard to keep this down. Effective as a topical salve though

Pumpkin Shampoo --
--Natural extracts and all, but....it's really not that great to smell like a pie

Pumpkin Mayo---
--Just because you can add anything to mayonnaise nowadays, doesn't mean you should

Pumpkin Fresh Bathroom Cleaner--
--Only if your name is Mrs. Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater

Pumpkin Slaw--
--No matter how you dress it up, it's still just pumpkin guts

Pumpkin Soda--
--What are those specks floating around in there?

Pumpkin Brownies --
--That sounds kind of good, actually


  1. Pumpkin brownies make the cut because it is pretty much a given that if there is chocolate in it, on it or, like, right next to it...anything can be made GOOD!

  2. I'm with you on that one! Oh, except the one time I drank chocolate wine. Nasty!

  3. Thank you for letting me know! It was killing me! :D I like your lists.