Hypothermia Kit

Thinking of venturing out into the cold?

Don't leave home without our Hypothermia Kit  --  Releases the life-saving message  "I've frozen and I can't get up!"  Speaks for you when your tongue is iced shut. Endless looped recording gives passersby several appeals --one is sure to make them stop.

How does it work? Patented smart technology uses bio-sensors to detect your vital signs ---device activates with the slowing of your heart beat.


It was good enough for your ancestors, it's good enough for you--

Brick in your pocket

Just heat over an open fire and you're ready to face the elements. Take it from Clovis Yarvis, an ancestor!

"When I was a boy we had to walk 20 miles to school. Thought nuthin of it. On cold days ma put a  brick in our pocket. Slowed us down some, but none of us froze to death."



And for commuters on chilly mornings ---Car Squirrel!

Now you're probably saying --car squirrel? My car is no place for a squirrel! And you'd be right! But behavioral scientists everywhere agree --a squirrel running around the inside of your car is a great distraction from the cold! Now keep your pants on, he's not real. The little bugger is just a convincing animatronic replica , programmed to keep you guessing with his squirrel-like cunning, so you never know where he's going to pop out next. Your bodily contortions triggered by natural squirrel aversion will get the cortisol flowing and you'll warm up in no time.

Actual size and battery life of squirrels may vary. 

But sometimes you don't want to go out. Am I right? You just want to stay in...

...but the family has some fool notion about ice skating or some such.

Time for you to pull the dead car battery routine, using our Dead Car Battery Simulator.  Sounds deceitful, and it is! But you're cold! So pretend to turn on the ignition but instead really turn on the sound effects of a car battery failing to turn over, the hallmark feature of the Dead Car Battery Simulator. Patent pending.   


All these products and more are manufactured exclusively for you by the Friendly Persuasion Good Product Company, to help sustain you during the bitter months ahead. "Let's Just Get Through This, Shall We?" Sold for a limited time only, these items are not available in any store!  

This has been a word from our sponsors. And now, back to our regularly scheduled programming....