A Dental Minute
Yesterday the dentist shoved some stuff in my mouth and said he needed me to hold still for "just a minute." Then he corrected himself. "Well," he said, "Actually more than a minute. I mean a dental minute. " I nearly choked on my wad of cotton. Rendered mute, I could only sass back to the doctor mentally, sending surly thought waves in response. That's all you can do when you're in the dentist's chair --make your thoughts as loud as possible, even if you're the only one hearing them. Earlier, while he had been drilling, I had thought-yelled, "I'M ALRIGHT! I'M OKAY! I'M ALRIGHT! I'M OKAY! "It was strangely comforting to do that. Now I silently wailed about the length of a dental minute ---as swollen as my anesthesized lip, the seconds stretching out like the sticky caramel I was warned not to eat. Oh to have a New York minute in the dentist's chair. The prodding and poking would just be a fantastic blur. The dentist's intrusions would come and go as rapidly as stations flashing past on the subway line. But a dental minute is the antithesis of all that. And as my dentist cheerfully pointed out--much, much longer than a minute.
Steve Martin in "Little Shop of Horrors"
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God, this is funny! I realized when I read this that I do not want my dentist being clever or funny when he's fooling around in my mouth. Just get the damn job done. I bet this makes dentists lonely people, though.
ReplyDeleteI like this little piece. Dental time is wild! Too bad there's no hallucinating involved. I have to admit, I loved Steve Martin in this role.
ReplyDeletethanks for reminding me of the sadistic dentist in "little shop of horrors", simone. your blog post was very amusing. akk! i HATE dentists! never heard that term "dental minute" before, but by golly, i will be vigilant next time in the chair. oh woe,,it's coming next month! my dentist hums along to the easy listening tunes being piped in to the room.
ReplyDeletei no longer hate dentists. i love my dentist. he is nice
ReplyDelete