Boring, Dependable Jupiter

Jupiter is like a giant vacuum cleaner, sucking up stray asteroids and saving our asses from getting hit. But Jupiter is also a dangerous pinball machine sending asteroids towards the sun and potentially into our orbit. Scientists say both things are true. I just learned about this when I was reading about Atlas 3I, the shiny new interstellar object from beyond our solar system.

Atlas 3I is not expected to mess with us, but scientists only just detected it a few weeks ago and say they'll know more when it gets closest (inside the Mars orbit) on October 30th. So far they think it's  possibly the oldest comet earth has seen and six miles thick, larger than the space rock that killed the dinosaurs. Its doomsday size has spurred doomsday talk, despite astronomer's reassurances, but the surprising thing is the number of people on Reddit rooting for a direct hit. As one person said, "Jupiter will catch it or deflect it. Boring, dependable Jupiter."

Other comments on Reddit:

Can someone tell him to speed up please? You were supposed to show up a while ago dude…

Oumuamua forgot its phone. Coming back.

Please don’t arrive before the weekend. Monday is fine.

Oh thank god, end this failed experiment.

C'mon killer asteroid!

Did they read our golden disk ?

Please hit us. I’m pretty much done.

If it could hit me specifically i’d be so grateful ❤️

Please let it hit us. This planet needs a restart sans humans.

Hopefully it’s finally the meteor that will end us all

C'mon, baby. I need a giant meteor impact event to get a bingo on my card. Let's go! 👏 👏

About time we ended this lab experiment gone wrong

Okay, but hurry up?

Thank fuck I was getting tired of this existence. TAKE ME NOW, ASTEROID!!

Please... reset button.

Please be the missile aliens decided to end us with 🤞🤞🤞. Tired of watching the news

Just wipe us all out

Is it possible to alter it's course? Maybe directly into the fucking Planet.

Hurtle faster

Please take the orange one

Elon's people are coming back for him!

Please hit please hit please hit please hit please hit

I'm going home baby! They've finally come back

Please oh please just end it all

Please take out earth.... Please space thing?

At this point im cheering for the aliens.

Finally, this shitshow has gone on far too long

Come on guys don't miss.

Here come the space tariffs

Please crash this godforsaken place

Hailing frequencies open

Inshallah, it will destroy this planet and end our suffering