Questions For 2012

With only hours to spare before the new year bustles its way in, I have some questions I'd like to ask of 2012:

Why must this clean slate you offer commence in the dead of winter when I am fat and hairy like the drooling bear asleep in its lair? (Please note, I am not drooling, only fat and hairy.)

If pitted against each other in a cosmic battle, who would win? Old Man Winter, Father Time or the diapered new year baby?

How long will it take me to stop writing 2011 on checks and important documents?

What as-yet-undiscovered music will delight me this year?

How many books will I read?

Will I succumb to the Meatball craze?

Is this going to be the year in which I learn to stop being so reactive?

WHAT?!!!

Should I get off Facebook and switch to Google+?

Is there an Ipad in my future?

What new technologies will emerge to dazzle and nauseate me?

Will 2012 be the year I begin tweeting?

Will I Skype, Swype or Tumble?

Will I be pretty? Will I be rich?

Will I keep the wolves at bay?

Will my endless search for the perfect chai tea bag finally be fulfilled?

How many loved ones' birthdays will I manage to remember? For more than two seconds?

Will I finally gain the respect of my peers?

Will I discover muscles I didn't know I had?

Are you listening to anything I just said?